So with all of the body love posts, and the anti-breast bullying posts, I’ve had this kind of topic on my mind for a while. I experienced breast bullying a lot when I was growing up. Nothing entirely too hateful, but enough people made comments about the size for me to feel ashamed of the size of my breasts.
Fast forward to Halloween this year. For any of my Facebook fans, you’ve seen the pictures that I have posted from Saturday night when my husband and I dressed up and went out. I was a pirate wench, and he was my scurvy pirate dog 😀
Costume: “Vixen Pirate Wench” by Leg Avenue, size 3X-4X. Under garments include: Curvy Kate Emily bra, my own pantaloons, and SPANX tight-end high waisted opaque black tights (FTW love these tights).
As the night went on, and many drinks were had…..this is how I looked:
There was quite a lot of feedback about a status I posted on my page, and there was a comment given that is one I have heard before: you have big boobs, you need to have confidence to go with it because people are going to say negative/positive things. That comment really bothered me, as it’s not something that’s new to my ears, and I think that it can really be viewed as hurtful.
I’ve thought about that comment, and thought about the reactions that I got from folks at the bar. Within 5 seconds of walking into the bar, a woman came up to me and said “OMG! Your boobs are huge! Can I motorboat you?” Me: “No, thanks…”, Her: “Can my husband look at your boobs? He’s totally a boobs guy!” Me: *walks away*
Ten minutes later, the owner of the bar comes over to talk to a friend of ours and says “Oh hi, boobs.”
Admittedly, I “broke the seal” way too early into the evening, so I kept making multiple trips to the restroom (side note: wearing high-waisted tights with every intention of drinking = bad idea). At one point, I came out of the bathroom and passed two young guys. As I was walking away from them, they said to each other “OMG! Did you see her! Her tits are huge!”. As my palm itched to turn around and slap them, I just kept walking and sat back down by my husband.
Let’s not add in the fact that there was a guy standing maybe 5 feet away from our table that stared at my chest all night long, and when I got up to sing (clearly, the only way to celebrate Halloween is by going to Karaoke 😀 ), he would grunt and make awkward noises towards me. Old Elvis also stared me down awkwardly…
I tried to let the comments just kind of slide off my skin. And I was cool with it. Obviously, I wore something revealing, and my boobs are not tiny (something another girl talked with me about in the bathroom – she sympathized, being a HH and all – commiseration was nice). However, what got under my skin was the notion that because I have big boobs, I have to be okay with it.
Why do I have to be okay with it? Why do I have to be okay with men/women degrading me into a sex object? Why do I have to be okay with disrespectful comments? As someone else said on my FB page, when you see someone in a dress that has small boobs, you don’t go up to them and say “wow! your boobs are tiny! it’s too bad they don’t fill out that dress! you would look so much better with bigger boobs!”.
So, if we don’t say that to people who aren’t as endowed, then why is it okay to make comments like this to women who ARE full busted? It’s a double standard, and a wrong one at that.
Yes, it takes a lot of confidence to be comfortable with your body when you are full busted. But that confidence should not come at the price of having to listen to negative and snarky comments from other people. Confidence doesn’t make it okay. For me, it comes down to respect. Respect for other people’s bodies.
Now I know that I wasn’t at the bar to make friends or necessarily share my personality, my thoughts, my ideals….but at the end of the day, I – like many other people – want to be seen for who I am on the inside, versus the large sweater puppies I have on my chest. I don’t know that that’s too much to ask.
No, I don’t have to be okay with cat calls and remarks about my breast size. Kind of like sexual harassment is all about perspective – not intentions – to me, I felt as though I was being breast bullied. And that’s not okay.
***Have you ever had a similar experience based on something that you wore in public? How did it make you feel? What did you do about it? Let me know in the comments below***